I never really talk much about my feelings, I was bought up in quite a victorian attitude family children were seen and never heard and all that sort of thing, but this diagnosis has really been making me think about how I feel and how do I tell people about how I am feeling, I am afraid, there really is no denying this because I feel that somebody has got a double barreled gun pointed at my head loaded and ready, but I am not ready for it to be fired yet and I want to give this disease a dam good run for its money, i really do not want to give in to it, why should I?
I am surrounded by my husband and my lovely twins, if this is all the support I get I am quite happy, I have not got any real friends, I dont know why I just never could make that contact, after a while I just drifted from people who I thought were friends, probably me really just my upbringing, I know I can come across as a bit cold really, but sometimes you just have to look deeper.
I am getting support from all the usal agencies and I am really greatful for this especially the Brains Trust(Meg Jones) which is a very specific charity for brain tumours, there are others out there too, but there is one particular person, Helen you know who you are, has been emailing me and just saying such good things and keeping me smilleing at times when I have felt awful epsecially when I was newly diagnosed and felt that a million people could be sat with me and I would still be the lonelyest person on this planet.
I am so sorry about all spelling and grammer and any other problems that no doubt someone will spot with this blog, but you see a brain tumour can change a person and mine is just where all this cognition takes place so you see I really am fighting more than just one battle, I really am fighting for my independance, my knowledge, my self and my idenity to remain with me. This is hard for anyone with a tumour, please think of this before any labels you apply to my waffle.