Staight to the point

For a while now I have been trying to make sense of what has happened to me in the last four weeks and letting you know how my thoughts and feelings are going, guiding you through all the tests, the hospital, but today I have decided to be brutally honest and reveal the diagnosis that I recieved on friday the 15th October, my real life changing day, the one I honestly thought I would never hear, there is no easy way to say it.

I have grade four glioblastoma brain tumour, three small ones all together on my frontal lobe of my brain, this is already affecting me by making me suffer weakness in my left hand side and my concentration is not as good as it used to be, basically cancer does not get any worse than this, this is not a winable war for me and my life is going to be shortened, how long have I got?nobody knows, how long is a piece of string.

I see the oncologist on thursday afternoon to see what treatment regime I will follow but it sounds like it will be a combination of radio/chemotherapy, quite a greulling one but hopefully one that will give me a fighting chance for more time, then it will be a case of batteling the tumours each time they grow back, the treatment will not kill them it will just shrink them each time, but the time will eventually come that my time will be over.

There I have said it know, the last few weeks have been a bolt from the blue for me and I am shocked at the results of all this and i never dreamed that these would be so bad, my thoughts were constantly that this was just a small glicth in my life and that I had got another thirty odd years, just goes to show how much we take our lifes for granted, well stop it now, get out there and take life by the scuff of its neck and enjoy it, make it happy, make it scary, go ride the roller coaster that you have always been scared of, i dont think i will have that chance but believe me if somebody would take me and put up with my screams and terror it is something for me to do.